Destiny and Control
Read: 8 mins.
Is there really a Destiny? How much is actually in your control?
Let’s travel back in time for a moment and consider, what would have happened… If I took that job? If I married this person? If I chose not to go to this school? How different our lives would be.
Sometimes, I look back and think about the “what ifs”, and consider how things could have been. Was our decision correct? In hindsight, it’s always a little clearer but no matter what, we will never know. That’s because all of us are simply walking down a timeline, with no way of going back……
How we decide our future.
Right now, we live at a point in time when our options are endless, millions of branching paths available to us at our fingertips. If we really wanted to, we could get up, walk outside, and try pretty much anything we want. Right? Yes…. and no. For better, or for worse, we are stuck in our own limitations: money, fear, preconceptions of how the world operates (rules created by society, culture, parents, ourselves). Some of these are good, they prevent us from doing bad and evil, however, some of them are bad, preventing us from moving forward in life.
But ultimately, we narrow our life decisions to a single choice with a subconscious process within our minds.
Lets break this down a little more.
As Jeff, I am the embodiment of all the things I’ve gone through in life, an accumulation of my experiences and memories.
And with these things equipped as my weapons and tactics, I approach whatever the future has in store for me. This also means that no matter which point in life I’m in, I will always make decisions based on the accumulation of what I know, to decide what to do, almost to the point where life is on auto-pilot and I wouldn’t even realize it. Subconsciously, our brains will figure it all out and line things up without us even knowing. Even during the times we think we are making a conscious choice, such as deciding to go to the gym for the first time, or grabbing a croissant vs a piece of toast, we made an effort to make a change that was destined to happen. Maybe it was a video on the internet telling us the health benefits of working out, or an ad of a freshly baked croissant showing off its crispy layers of goodness. All these things that burrow into our subconscious lead to us making specific decisions, regardless of whether we think we are in control or not. This means:
– We are on auto-pilot –
Every single one of our decisions was meant to happen and play out exactly how it did because all the variables in our life guide us down the path laid out for us.
During this pandemic season, I’ve been currently going through the motions of everyday life, following the same pattern: Wake up, check notifications, roll around, brush up, ponder the tasks for the day, find food, etc.etc. Nonetheless, we follow the same patterns, day in, day out. All of these patterns are, as you guessed it, predestined to happen because that’s how we’ve lived our lives for as long as we could remember. This also includes all of the things we wish we didn’t do… “If only I didn’t succumb to procrastination and binge-watch cat and dog rescue videos… would it be different?” No. Because at that moment, when I chose to watch those videos, it was the decision I made at the time based on my feelings, experiences, and memories. Feelings of not wanting to work, of needing something to fix my mentality, and be happier. Experiences and memories of good times watching these videos, brought me to the direction of watching them once more.
Furthermore, every future experience we encounter gets accumulated into the person we are, and continuously predetermine our future. Each decision builds into our system and filters out the next outcome.
Let’s take it one step further.
If I’m basically living on auto-pilot and you are living on auto-pilot, then that means…. (this holds true to everyone): We are all on auto-pilot. Everyone we surround ourselves with, our parents, our peers, our teachers, and everyone in the community. Even all of the religions, countries, and the way the world divides and unite. Every single interaction between each other was destined to happen, and flow into every future interaction. Every single input flows perfectly into the correct output, the world intertwining together. Elon Musk followed his life path destined to make Tesla because of all the accumulation of his life leading to his decisions. Bill Gates followed his path creating Microsoft because of the accumulation of all his experiences and understandings before he founded the company. The Gamified Life was also created because my circumstances brought me to this point, to bring this thing into existence. Everyone who watched, read, and clicked on my content did so because of their own decision at the moment in time it was shared with them or stumbled across. And once they learn something they were destined to learn, their future continues with the new information engraved into their being, filtering out the life paths and continuing down the destined one.
Assuming all of this holds true, this also means that no matter from when, 25 days ago, 50 years ago, 1000 years ago, from any point in time, if you press play, the exact same things would still happen, and it will still come to this very moment. Everything is set. We are on a single timeline in life. Earth’s timeline? Perhaps the universe’s timeline?
No matter how many times we go back in time, or wherever we go back to, at that moment in time, we will choose the path we did…
No matter what happens, our future will be exactly as it will be, just unknown to us
Perhaps everything in life is set in stone.
We are helpless to the suffering we will face, to the joy we will experience, to whatever lies in wait in the future.
We are merely seeing and experiencing a tiny tiny portion of the greater timeline, through the lens of a single being. The single-player point of view. Me? I’m just walking through the storyline called Jeff.
I’m not religious, nor would I say I’m atheist. I’m simply a being keeping my mind open to all possibilities, trying to disregard my own preconceptions of things being true or false. But lately, I stumbled a little into this winding thought pattern that everything was meant to be… When things are tough, we tend to consider how things could’ve, would’ve been, if only this or that happened. But now, through this spiral of thoughts, I feel like maybe it’s better to simply come to terms with how things came about and simply enjoy the ride of life for what it has in store for us as we play our character through this timeline. Learn to sit back and experience the ups and downs of life. To walk the path we were given. To play this game as the character we’re born into.
The Illusion of being in control
With that being said, knowing our fate is to walk down the path designated for us on auto-pilot, does anything we do, or think even matter? It turns out that life is much better when we take control of it, or at least approach and perceive it as us holding the reigns to life.
Locus of Control
There is a concept in psychology called “Locus of control,” first developed by Julian B. Rotter in 1954, which pretty much illustrates the degree to which people believe that they, as opposed to external forces (beyond their influence), have control over the outcome of events in their lives. Commonly separated into Internal and External.
Internal Locus of control
- People who generally believe that they are in control.
- Their success and failure are a result of the effort they put in thus acquire higher achievements and success.
- Self-Motivated and focused on achieving goals.
- Where they control the consequences of their behavior.
External Locus of control
- People who generally believe their success and failure are at the whims of external factors.
- Things such as luck, fate, circumstance, or biases.
- Lowered effort, believing things are as they are.
- Where the consequences of their behavior are outside of their control.
Which one’s better?
Studies have shown that the benefits of having an internal locus of control far outweigh those who have an external one. With an internal locus, you are more likely to work hard for success, stay motivated, and achieve compared to an external locus of learned helplessness, thinking your efforts are pointless and consequently spiral into negative directions: including things like stress, anxiety, and depression.
However, there are also downsides to having oneself too aligned with having a strong internal locus of control, where arrogance, risk management, and high levels of responsibility can lead to frustrating situations, and in extreme cases, stress and depression as well.
Most of us fall somewhere between the two, perhaps moving from one side to the other in different settings – family vs work. But nonetheless, it’s good to know where we stand and how to manipulate our locus.
If you find yourself too internally focused:
- When you find yourself feeling like everything is your fault, and that you need to take responsibility, take a step back and ask yourself: “What are the things that are outside of my control?” There are times when things are genuinely beyond our control and plans won’t always work the way they were intended. It’s sometimes better to just let go and enjoy the ebbs and flow and try again later.
If you find yourself too externally focused:
- When you find yourself in a position where you feel like there is nothing you can do, take a step back and ask yourself: “Why is this beyond my control? And how can I make it in my control?” Find out what choices you can make that can change the outcome and set goals and reminders to make these positive changes. Life’s more colourful when you feel more in control and less helpless.
So what can we learn from this?
- Life is all set in stone, so just play out your role as you move along in your perspective and point of view.
- However, as you progress through life, the belief that you are in control of your life brings great benefits alongside it, so learn to be flexible with your locus of control.
- Perhaps after experiencing The Gamified Life, your life changed for the better. But in reality, it was the path you would be on all along.
- So, sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.
Is the controller in your hands..?
Jeff
***Now before anyone goes into the comments and talks about quantum theory and all that fun stuff about Schrödinger’s cat and what not, this whole thing is just a hypothetical, as we do not know how to go into alternate universes just yet… if there is one 🙂